What a Question

This morning I did a Google Search (or rather a Blackle search; check it out!) for DIY hair care products and happened upon a site called Mookychick. As I was looking through the homemade recipes for shine rinses and hot oil treatments and other natural things, I saw a poll on the left side of the screen. The question was "Feminism is..." Answers included: a. Women being as good as men. b. Women being better than men. c. Women being as bad as men. d. Women being worse than men. e. Something else entirely. If I have time I'm going to tell you what I think on the messageboard (I encourage you to go there and speak up on whatever - they have it all).

Without a doubt and with not a little disgust, I picked choice E without hesitation. What a choice of well, choices. All of the other choices were complete comparisons, which at face value seem fine, and can even be counted as working toward progress. Nonetheless, I couldn't believe that my options to define feminism for myself were all scenarios of comparing women to men, with words like good, bad and worse no less. Therefore, I marched right on over to the messageboard (by marched I mean I clicked with conviction.) And here's what I wrote:

I picked "Something different entirely," because I think feminism is multi-faceted and defined differently by many people. It did not satisfy me to say that feminism was "women being as good as men." The notion of lining up a woman's worth to a man's in the first place is something I believe, as a feminist, needs to be obliterated. I do believe there should be total equality and no more disparity, but I'd rather not settle for the men-come-first plumb line. To me, it would be like saying civil rights is people of color being as good as Whites, as though people of color are equal when we say they are or when someone acknowledges it. Therefore, I think feminism is pushing toward the truth of equality without retreat rather than waiting for everyone to get on board and say it can be true. And there is something to be said about truly respecting the feminine spirit for the power it holds, regardless of a person's gender. For me, feminism is upholding the power of that spirit and separating it from the limiting notions of gender we have that may keep us from truly respecting women and the feminine presence in our world.


There are SO many ways to define feminism, and I don't believe there is anything wrong with that. What I do find disheartening is that feminism still carries this stigma in several ways and in many cases is perceived as a volatile topic, a competitive paradigm and a soapbox on which mouthy girls step. I find myself ramming into these perceptions almost daily - face to face, in the media, at work, with mixed company. As long as people are willing to shrug off a mention or conversation about feminism, people may as well be willing to live in fear.

Sites such as Mookychick provide a place for girls, boys, women, men and people of all genders and identities to come and witness others who lean into the topic of feminism and lean into other topics that may get cast off elsewhere. This is but one of several sites where the stigma is wiped clean, where a person doesn't try to change the subject because a topic is "off the beaten path" or challenging to one's way of thinking or uncomfortable for a bit. While it is a shame that some people and some women have to take refuge in the respect they find in these communities that they cannot find in their everyday lives, there is something to be said for speaking out about one's values, throwing one's voice and desires to the universe (or at least to an online community) and taking the time to hear the voices of others. The more we do it somewhere, the more we'll do it anywhere. I highly encourage engaging in the conversation or at least becoming an active observer. Feminism is...not going away.