Aviva Jaye

A Bleak Reality

2010-02-03T12:29:00.000-05:00

A Recent Survey of Republicans (via Feministe)

Sadly, I am not shocked. Unfortunately, I can name over twenty people in my (earlier) life that reflect the beliefs in this survey's results. Education, and information is vital...but so is a desire to learn, to be informed. *Sigh*

It's Just Emotion Taking Me Over

2010-01-30T11:47:00.007-05:00

I’ve been pondering how one stays in touch with one’s emotions from a place of honesty. Then I realized that the concept was oxymoronic. Emotions, if left alone, are honest. The emotions themselves are a direct manifestation of what one feels. It is our use of words, euphemisms, restraint, exaggeration, silence and noise that distorts the honesty of our emotions. This is not wrong, in my opinion. Exercising one’s capacity to use discretion is part of the human experience.

Or maybe I've got it all wrong. Maybe that notion of wearing your emotions on your sleeve is not so bad. Maybe unleashed expression is the new bravery, for those of us that have gotten cozy with restraint, for those of us who are artists, for those of us paving our own road to follow…for those of us who long to love more deeply, who long to hate more passionately.

There is something fascinating and intriguing about watching a person who lets it all hang out and has little or no use for temperance or diplomacy. It is even more captivating to encounter a person like this who is both unapologetic and rather secure in her/himself. It is fascinating because it is not me, or like me. Unlike me, this person treats her/his emotions with the utmost importance in the moment – without thinking about it, or others, first. Isn’t there something so seductive about being an emotional open book? You give your most raw performance and the expression just flows out of you, not over calculated or under delivered. As a person on the receiving end, you experience this outbreak of honesty unfiltered – like raw honey…

…Or raw sewage. That’s the thing. It can be great, or it can be ugly. Every opportunity, every expression can go one of two ways. You can love what you just saw or heard, or loathe it. You can justify what you just said or did, or apologize for it. You can be mesmerized or nauseated. You can be fierce or a hot mess.

Perhaps that is the best advantage to unfettered emotion: you have options.

Old Poems

2009-08-06T13:42:00.006-04:00

I found a folder called "Aviva's Poetry" on my computer, which I'm in the process of backing up as it prepares for a silent, painless death in the near future. Here are some things I found that aren't entirely embarrassing or indicative of my sloppy youth:

“See Me”

Tell me what you see in me,
And I will say what it will be.
For what you see may not be me
And what I know you do not see
But it is me who wants to be free
In spite of what you see in me
For I forever will be me
No matter what I seem to be.

- 7/2/98 Aviva Jaye

“Secret”

Whisper something sweet to me.
If I hear it and love it,
That means you have won.
Yes, you have won me over –
As if you hadn’t before.
I do hear it…
Sure enough you have won.
By the way, I love you, too.

- 7/27/98 Aviva Jaye

“This Too Shall Pass”

Rise above, beyond the deep gutter
Filled with utter scum…
Masquerading as earthly splendor.
Throw away your cold infatuation
With transient allure.
They call that integrity?
What a conniving lie to feed hungry
Lovesicks such as ourselves.
Hungry, perhaps, but not ignorant.
After all, the heart and mind only live
Within personal blocks of each other.
They have a thing or two to teach each other…
For our souls’ sake.
Our minds will counsel our hearts
To be lighter, our thoughts to be slower,
And our spirits to be better than ever.

- 4/24/03 Aviva Jaye

Really?

2009-05-13T12:56:00.007-04:00

I would imagine most of you, like myself have never heard of NARTH or P4cm, which is probably a good thing. Feministe highlighted some of the absurdity here, back in February. I recall laughing...and somewhat wanting to cry, for the folks featured at P4cm (How many colors can an Ex-Masturbator shirt come in?!). Apparently, my family finds it all but absurd, and what better way to connect with one's bisexual daughter than to email her testimonies of "ex-gays" or other African American girls who "hated being a lesbian." Maybe one day she can wear her very own "Ex-Lesbian' shirt. Oh lawd.

While I don't think it's productive to dismiss a person's own story, I do think it is of the upmost importance that a difference be drawn between a) someone who suffers at the hand of a constant lack of pride or sense of worth, and b)someone who does not experience feelings of conflict between one's orientation and/or identity and their set of personal values and has a developed sense of true pride. Let's not go into how much ignorance, inaccuracy, and intolerance has been uncovered over the decades concerning previous statements regarding sexual orientation. What I will say is that in the much awaited wake of rapidly spreading equality and keener understanding of diversity, there is still much ignorance to obliterate.

Apart from one's personal beliefs or opinions, I've found that lack of knowledge is the biggest wedge that splits connections, or keeps them from cultivating, between gay and straight family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, "doctors," "patients," etc. It is the continued spread of stereotypes, misconceptions, bigoted statements, assumptions, fears, and raw unwillingness to accept that lead people like my family to believe that they have a solid understanding that is in fact narrow and inaccurate, however human. Equality and sincere pride will not drag their feet, so I hope that my family can invest in some running shoes in time. I'll welcome them should they arrive.

Inspiration List

2009-04-28T18:21:00.003-04:00

I found a large Post-It in my journal that said "Inspiration List" at the top, and I found it interesting. This is exactly as I found it, stars, exclamations and all.

Inspiration List

- nature
- fresh air
- good music albums*
- Bjork
- Feist! :-)
- Lamb
- Simon & Garfunkel
- Imogen Heap
- live concerts
- fellow artists
- visual art
- films*
- good conversation
- controversy
- yoga
- books*
- magazines*
- writing*
- theatre shows*
- performing!!!*
- dancing*
- choirs
- choral music
- social breakthroughs
- firsthand diversity
- talking to dear friends

Obviously, this list is very broad and general, and I could break down the specifics from this (and add some things!), but I thought is was interesting that I even wrote an "Inspiration List" in the first place. It was found on a journal page in which I wrote about being an artist and making music. Perhaps I'll find this list helpful as I continue to write songs and stay motivated and, well...inspired.

Streaming

2009-04-17T18:34:00.002-04:00

Computer, laptop, phone, cell, text, email, Internet, Google, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, gossip, music, mp3s, words, clicks, shoes, money, status, status updates, connection, instant, media, business, privacy,

publicity, desire, greed, heartbreak, fix, repair, forget, get, give, want, have, need, demand, complain, bitch, share, tell, show, upload export, read, ingest, influence, indoctrinate, educate, contemplate, comment, like, dislike, rate, hate, love, add, ignore, join, leave, fry, brain, mind,

stimulate, overload, progress, discover, find, introduce, opinion, message, profile, listen, headphones, view, pause, rewind, envelop, surround, ingrain, homogenize, diversify, routine, standard, favorite, bookmark, return, again, discuss, admire, want, wish, disappoint, aspire, inspire, distant, confuse, find, replace, check, edit, erase, clear send, name, create, change, remain, move.

New York Magazine on Michelle Obama

2009-03-27T16:38:00.004-04:00

Michelle Obama has gotten quite close with the media over the past year and a half, to say the least. While I decidedly did not read every tidbit written about her during that time, I did read some, and boy, did the commentary run the spectrum. I found New York Magazine's profile on her to be quite interesting, sometimes clever, other times, fluffy, occasionally raw. Read the series, written by various authors, here and tell me what you thought.

Studio Time

2009-03-13T15:02:00.004-04:00

I'm going into the studio to record original music tomorrow afternoon, thanks to lots of things, but mainly Sheena. She proactively got me set up with a co-worker who runs a studio with his brother. She's the real engine behind this whole thing, and I am very grateful that she is (probably) more excited than I am to hear some quality recordings of my tunes.

I'm very excited...and nervous. I feel a bit like a broken-in shoe. I'm to the point where I am not too shy or accommodating to do what I really want. I don't feel the need to do some extremely impressive things with my songs at the start simply because they're going to be on a disc. I'm definitely confident in the simplicity of the songs and think they deserve to be on an EP or disc just as much as any highly orchestrated or pristine produced tune. At the same time, just because a broken-in shoe now knows what shape feels good, has some creases to indicate adaptation and familiarity, does not mean that the shoe doesn't still desire to look good. I still think about how the songs will be perceived, who has a stake in the investment of the project, etc. I don't think that will get in my way this time, but it's an unpleasant thing to contend with. I don't like wasting other people's time, or my own.

On the topic of time, however, I am excited to see how efficiently I can get this done. This is always a fun thing to test for me, whether I'm recording my own music or playing or singing for someone else's song/album/band. I like to be in and out, but I also like precision. It's like a test of my ability, or the quality of my musicianship skills, listening skills and creativity. Obviously it's more challenging when it's someone else's vision and direction, but it's fun. I think it will be refreshing to go in and do this as fast or as slow as I see fit. It's my own vision and timeline, so I can go as quickly as my skill will allow, which I really like!

Here's hoping that I'll record some things that I'm truly proud of. :-)

Counter-productive sex offense prevention?

2009-03-13T14:30:00.003-04:00

Is castrating severe sex offenders really the answer? Should a government be allowed to medically castrate someone as punishment for a crime, and how does that speak to prevent the rates of those crimes in the given society? FInd a very comprehensive discussion here.

With Fiber??

2009-02-03T19:07:00.003-05:00

May I just ask why we now have Splenda with fiber? Seriously. I know I don't post random, reactionary posts, but where is our sense of food and nutrients when we're adding "fiber" to artificial sweetener? Oh wait, our sense is in marketing, in the dollar, not in health. I'm not saying Splenda with fiber is the big bad evil, but encouraging consumers to settle for getting fiber or other important, available nutrients, in manufactured foods rather than in whole foods, to me, is an evil.
As it boasts on the Splenda website: "Watch the fiber add up! One gram of fiber per packet adds up quickly -- imagine two packets in your favorite morning coffee and one sprinkled on your whole grain
cereal – that’s three more grams of fiber just at breakfast!" Why do you need fiber on whole grain cereal?! There's your fiber right there!

You will here more about this from me later.

Love Victim?

2008-12-08T20:10:00.001-05:00

I’ve been experiencing, or rather re-experiencing, that occurrence or feeling - I cannot decide which it is - when I feel as though someone’s pain, or outlook, or fear, or fatigue is truly victimizing not only that person but me as well, and possibly others, I suppose. It’s something that is deeply rooted, and one cannot simply waltz onto the lawn and expect to lift the tall oak out of the ground with a single hand. When someone does not want things to be the way they are (or her/himself to be the way s/he is), and has wished this for a long time, and has possibly resorted to thinking about something else, or ignoring the complete disdain (or is it much more like pain?) for this circumstance (or attribute), I as someone else cannot be entitled to changing this discomfort or even dodging the subsequent aftermath of it all. I cannot snap my fingers and make this person think differently, feel better, or at least differently, behave differently or compel her/him to recognize the victimization all of this perpetuates.

Victimization is a strong word, I know, and while I tend to sneer at the use of the word “victim” much like not wanting to look while getting a shot, the word has meaning and when it can be used correctly or properly, I am not above using it. This can get messy when dealing with relationships of any kind. I think many of us throw ourselves into the role of victim too conveniently, when we are upset, impatient, sad, hurt, tired and angry in a relationship. Sometimes we are in fact victims, and that is why we feel these ways. Other times we aren’t being fair, just…selfish.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I love to avoid being a victim when possible, and when victimized in some small (or large) way in a relationship, I like to be in control of how I deal with it. This involves owning it all, the incident, my emotions, my principles, my observations, and going from there…acknowledging the wrongdoing, not apologizing for something that was not my fault, not blame shifting or going overboard, not holding a grudge, keeping some sort of reasonable perspective, forgiving, and moving forward (cautiously or carefree…it’s up to me). Sometimes, though, it is out of my control.

What about when someone’s baggage attached to his/her existence is what has victimized you, and s/he does not even realize it yet? What if something that s/he is still trying to overcome resurfaces from time to time, pushing you closer to anguish, but never too far? What if it seems that s/he is paralyzed by dislike of her/himself but cannot (not yet) figure out whether to change something or accept something within, and this paralysis infects you for a moment, or longer? What if s/he has compartmentalized (or fragmented), trying to keep separate the quest for love (or someone to love) and self-hatred that hinders love itself, and has failed at this separation but does not realize it? What can be said, shown, done?

The journey of self-acceptance, healing, the road to true open-mindedness begins with oneself, but it is not required that one be alone or isolated while getting there. We’d all die alone if we had to wait to cross the finish line of self-betterment in order to be with someone else, love someone else, extend grace, kindness, inspiration, motivation. Therefore, we are all victims of another’s journey. We hit the potholes s/he has made unknowingly. We are the shattered windshields the gravel rocks have broken. We are scarred on the face by the branch that whips back in her/his wake. Inevitably, we are doing this to someone else as we treat our own wounds as well. To love is to dare, and to dare is to potentially harm, for we are not perfect. Yet, one must decide how much victimization one can handle, and whether it is at the hands of someone who is trying, making her/his way or someone who is out to harm. It is okay to be mindful or someone’s love for oneself, and whether it is still developing, no matter how gracefully or clumsily. It is also okay to gauge how this affects you, as loved one, victim or not.

With the Wind

2008-11-18T19:13:00.006-05:00

The wind is blowing fiercely now. I am re-thinking the notion of walking in the face of it now. Perhaps I want to go alongside of it, seeing where it's headed. Perhaps it will enhance my speed, whip me into shape, wisk away some of those tears on my face, some of those burdens on my back. It seems like the easy way out - moving with the wind - but things are not often as they seem. It is not the easiest thing for me, but it is the best thing. There is plenty of isolation and hardship ahead, loads of misunderstanding and challenge. I'm doing my best to pack as lightly as possible, leaving behind any unnecessary fear, pain, doubt, inadequacy, diffidence and loneliness and move full force and swiftly with determination, perseverance, hope, confidence and perspective, humility, pride and love...moving full force with the wind for once. Now it won't be the only force to be reckoned with.

Mind Battles

2008-10-15T19:45:00.016-04:00

The rational/logical side of my mind battles the intuitive/abstract side, and while I believe the intuitive side is usually right, I like to hope that my rational thought will prove me wrong. It's as though I attempt to trick myself, which is absurd, since it's "myself" that possesses the intuition in the first place. It's been my experience that intuition, although not brainier, is wiser, or at least accurate if not precise. Nonetheless, I turn my face toward this rational side, full of its calculations and estimates as though they're absolute because they're concrete.

It's not always a battle. In fact, I need both sides to co-exist in order to survive, like two halves make a whole. I just don't know why we as humans (Or is is Americans? Or is it just me?) push to outsmart our apprehensions. Perhaps we're afraid that by having an apprehensive thought we inevitably make that "bad thing" happen. In any case, I know I need to be undoubtedly and more proactively humble toward my intuition.

Like recently. I got this...opportunity. I went for it, for I knew I needed it (well, I needed an opportunity, if not this one). When it was offered to me, it seemed, sloppier than before when I first met it. It seemed incomplete as well, and it seemed as though it were keeping secrets from me that were necessary to know. Great start. This little "encounter" gave me an uneasy feeling, slight but present. Before jumping the gun, I immediately considered (and assumed) that this uneasiness was a product of my tendency to worry about the future, my paranoia and mistrust of things not going well for me in this department, and my disappointment in the delivery of this otherwise decent opportunity.

A day passed. My intuition was incessant. I couldn't shake the apprehension. Again, I gave Intuition the silent treatment, turned toward Mz. Rational (yes, with a "z") and said, "What do you have to say?" In short, Mz. R. said that my worrying-paranoia-anxiety-bad history-anticipation of a monkey wrench-fear that it will not work out for me is severely tainting my view of this "Opp" by a large percentage.

Sounds good to me, so I try to relax. Later, I get out some index cards and start working on some calculations and estimates, how this Opp will positively factor into my goals and game plan, making sure that I've chosen correctly (the choice to pursue this Opp, that is), checking to see if I could continue moving forward.

As I calculate this Opp's advantages, Intuition gets louder in its responses, and my uneasiness grows in size. These calculations aren't looking good - best-case scenario, worst-case scenario, it looks bleak. Then The Thoughts creep in. "What am I doing? Should I move forward? What if the Opp lied to me? What if it's not good? What if I thought it was organized, but I'm really walking into a mess? What will I have to show for myself? What if I walked away now and never end up knowing that it would've in fact worked out? Is that worse? Then I will let so many people down for not getting my act together and pushing through. I will have nothing to show for myself anyway, and I will be back at square one, won't I? If I take the chance, will I actually move forward or progress, though, or be stuck anyway, shamed by my own Intuition, my own goals, my own game plan, my own happiness? Will I end up at square one anyway??"

AAAGGHHH! STOP! The Thoughts take five. There is no way to know but to wait it out and see what happens when I meet Opp in person again the next day. Sadly this is not comforting. To me, this equals wasted time unmitigated anxiety, lost sleep, extra uncertainty on the side - too much, too messy. This is when Mz. Rational loses her footing. This is where Intuition is out to lunch. This is the hour of Unwanted Emotion. Yuck! Unrelenting tears, shortened breaths, absence of positivity - I HATE this hour! If only Intuition and Rational could have agreed this time, it would've been fine...smooth sailing. Oh well. The hour has to end at some point.

And it does end. The next day I head out to meet this Opp again. I'm too worn and beaten to be so anxious that I don't go. I have too much faith in Mz. R. to give up on her. I feel badly about how I'm treating my Intuition, but I can't give in just yet. After the re-meet, a part of me still wished I had given in. I mean, it's better to face it (the Opp) to find out, but Intuition, so humble, so steady, so respectful, is nearly always right. I knew that all along. There is no backtracking, though. I must move forward and figure it out from here. My intuition and rational sides will have plenty of opinion and will inevitably battle it out again (isn't that what makes me a human), but I'm slowly realizing that it's not thought but trust that has the right of way, and ultimately leads me forward to the place where I need (and want) to be. As I've always written at the end of every single journal entry, free-writing rant, open-ended process - we shall see.

Life Is Not Convenient

2008-09-07T11:56:00.005-04:00

I am beginning to realize more and more that life is not...convenient. This isn't necessarily a new found truth, but my awareness of it is more poignant. It seems to me that we are not set up to tend to things that need crucial care in our own lives. By this I mean that we are not set up (societal) to tend to our relational dysfunction, our festering resentment, our psychological defense walls and our irrational (and rational) fears. There is work to be done, there are beds to be made, rent and mortgages to be paid, schedules to maintain, food to be eaten, board meetings to attend, desires to fulfill, presentations to be prepared, gossip to be discussed, games to be played, relationships to gain...but not to cultivate?

Yes, I am aware that more of the things on this list do need to be done, but why do therapy sessions (formal and informal) have to end in an hour? Why can't that fax wait but a heartfelt conversation has to wait? I think our search for true balance could stand a boost. All the completed to-do lists in the world will not make a relationship better, and face it we must: interacting with other people is a part of living life.

Several days ago I ate lunch with my friend and she kept saying things such as, "My, you're talkative today" and "So...Chatty Cathy..." because I was quiet. Perhaps it was more unsettling than I realized since she kept eluding to it.

I didn't have anything particular to say. Of course, there was plenty on my mind, but most of it was open-ended, theoretical, complicated, potentially disarming, deep, copious. The thoughts I had could not be discussed in a perfect little framework or on a pre-determined timeline. The chances of putting a nice conclusion on the conversation would have been slim. Besides, it seemed that my friend wanted to be in a light-hearted, upbeat mood during her break that day, and I knew this kind of "beneath-the-surface" conversation could have darkened that tone of her lunch time.

Looking back, I am reminded of that section in Eve Ensler's book Insecure At Last where she tells of how she would "protect" her dad by lying about where she got the bruise on her face, so as not to ruin his sober, handsome morning persona by telling him it was his fault. We all do this in big and small ways, some seemingly harmless. What I wanted to do, what I felt was the right thing to do, was to lay it all out there and dive into the discussion, conversation, thought process, story. I wanted my friend to go there with me. I didn't want too much resistance. I was ready for the unknown that the conversation had to offer, but I wasn't ready for the hesitation. This is my fault. I didn't take the risk. I bowed out.

I know we can't "dive in" every minute of every day. That list I made of things to be done earlier - they still need to be done. Nonetheless, I think we sell ourselves short trying to fit the open-ended things and thoughts, into neat little packages that do not spill over into our compartmentalized lives. Our capabilities should influence our schedules and actions, not the other way around. That conversation my friend and I could potentially have had could have been satisfying, enriching, encouraging or challenging, without taking forever, but I gave in to the fear of feeling like an inconvenience.

Why would I feel that way? Because relationships and meaningful conversation and challenging our thoughts with new ones is inconvenient to daily life it seems. But if I keep giving in, what kind of life will I be preserving anyway? I don't think it's meant to be convenient. I don't think relationships are meant to all be convenient either. Life is for living to the fullest. Schedules and goals will help this happen, but the relentless grip on convenience can thwart it. This unwillingness to live transparently in any fashion will surely make for a life in the dark. Life is not always convenient. Facing the way you defend yourself is not convenient; hearing someone else's story is not convenient. Facing an irrational fear is not easy or convenient, but this is part of life, if we let it be.

With love, Mom

2008-07-08T09:56:00.004-04:00

Wow. Well, folks, we have a long way to go, always. It's amazing how many people feel like a picture of a topless transsexual actually ruins American families. My mom sent this to me prior to the Chicago Pride Parade "With love," but it seems much more like fear. Fear of this kind of celebration of diversity, fear of her daughter's surroundings and lifestyle, and with hope that I would fall prey to that fear and end up not going to the parade. As if!

FW: Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008Thursday, June 26, 2008 4:23 PM
From: "Linda M Mitchell"
To: "Aviva Jaye Mitchell"
Dear Aviva,

How are you? I hope and pray that you are not participating in this event on Sunday. If you are, I don’t want to know.

With love,
Mom

------ Forwarded Message
From: IFI E-Alert
Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:57:57 -0500
To: Linda Mitchell
Conversation: Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008
Subject: Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008

Call To Action

Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008
by Arlene Sawicki -Illinois Family Institute

Photo courtesy of:
Americans for Truth About Homosexuality

Both the above pictures are of transgendered men.
The City of Chicago Events schedule lists hundreds of parades, festivals, conventions, visual arts shows, concerts, and performances open to the public throughout the year.

Chicago parades include the famous St. Patrick's Day Parade in March, where the Chicago River is tinted green in honor of the Irish. The Polish American Constitution Day Parade, held May 1st, celebrates the first European democratic Constitution established in Poland in 1791. The Columbus Day Parade, held in Autumn, is another ethnic celebration featuring the contributions of Italian Americans. The Von Steuben Day Parade, held in September, is the German American event of the year. Thousands of Chicagoans participate in these parades and support the causes they represent.

However, never within the celebration of these events would you find the flagrant and offensive violations of the Public Morals Laws of conduct as you do in what has become known as the annual Chicago Gay Pride Parade , held this year on Sunday, June 29th, 12:00 p.m.

Chapter 8-8 of the Chicago Public Morals Laws is quite clear in defining "Indecent acts and words" 8-8-070, "Indecent exposure or dress" 8-8-080, "Street solicitation for prostitution" 8-8-060. Year after year these laws are conveniently overlooked by the Chicago Police Department, who are present in great numbers and hired to keep order during the parade.

Take ACTION: Click HERE to ask Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and Cook County State's Attorney Richard Devine to enforce decency laws during Chicago's Gay Pride Parade this Sunday.

Curiously, the parade organizers offer "Tips for Spectators" on their website, but they never offer tips for the participants who, in past years, have publicly exhibited themselves in the nude or semi-nude, performed lewd, simulated sex acts, made obscene gestures, uttered lewd or filthy words, and made street solicitations for prostitution - all violations of the existing "Public Morals" law.

The Grand Marshall of the parade is Eric Alva, openly gay ex-Marine and activist, who is best known for coming out in 2007 and joining Congressman Martin Meehan in introducing the "Military Readiness Enhancement Act," a bill designed to repeal the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Among the featured cars , floats, and walkers this year will be: the Mayor's Advisory Council, Cook County State's Attorney Richard Devine, Obama for America Campaign, Illinois Comptroller Dan Hynes, Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart, Illinois State Senator Sara Feigenholtz, U.S. Congresswoman Jan Shakowsky, Illinois State Representative Julie Hamos, Illinois State Senator John Cullerton, Illinois State Representative John Fritchey, Illinois State Representative Jeff Schoenberg, Lesbian/Gay Police, Lambda Legal, ACLU, Illinois Department of Human Rights, American Veterans, etc. -- all of whom should be acquainted with the Chicago Public Morals law, but who obviously will not move to see that it is strictly enforced for these special citizens.

I believe those in public office, who have sworn to uphold all of the laws of our cities, state, and nation should be held accountable for their dereliction in duty to hold participants in the Chicago Gay Pride Parade to the same standard of public decency as participants in the various other public events in the city of Chicago.

Arlene Sawicki is a long-time pro-life and pro-family advocate, defending and promoting traditional values. She served on the Board of Directors of the Chicago Archdiocesan Council of Catholic Women as Chairperson for Family Concerns, Morality in Media and Legislation.

This is a tame, mild indirect but disrespectful form of fear and intolerance, and these little (and big) actions happen all over every day, even from mother to daughter. Organizations such as Illinois Family Institute and Americans for Truth work around the clock collecting any kind of information that fuels this fear and nurses the ideas, notions and hopes of people like my mom, not realizing with each encouraged fear or point of discrimination, families are being broken down and torn apart, not upheld and preserved. These "family" organizations have a set of views and standards in their best interest, not American families, and any family that does not fit into that mold is, in their eyes, not fit to be a family, and is in fact deemed a threat to the American family. In addition to single-parent families, families of divorce, teen mothers, even immigrant families, the LGBT community is on the forefront of their attack, and has been for years. It's quite...ironic how much they like to know about the LGBT community and the events and news and updates, spending hours everyday acquiring information, reading about it, only to despise it and treat it like leprosy. But that's a whole other matter. At the end of the day this statement, this email - How are you? I hope and pray that you are not participating in this event on Sunday. If you are, I don’t want to know. With love, Mom - shows that families and parents are scared to know their sons and daughters and still wishing and pushing for them to be something else. As long as we refuse to communicate with one another, we still have a long, long way to go.

"...They would have me silenced now, so I'll sing it loud and strong. I did not do this to them; they did not do this to me. It is the way it should be."

2008-07-08T09:55:00.002-04:00

FW: Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008Thursday, June 26, 2008 4:23 PM
From: "Linda M Mitchell"
To: "Aviva Jaye Mitchell"

Dear Aviva,

How are you? I hope and pray that you are not participating in this event on Sunday. If you are, I don’t want to know.

With love,
Mom

------ Forwarded Message
From: IFI E-Alert
Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:57:57 -0500
To: Linda Mitchell
Conversation: Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008
Subject: Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008

Call To Action

Chicago Gay Pride Parade 2008
by Arlene Sawicki -Illinois Family Institute

Photo courtesy of:
Americans for Truth About Homosexuality

Both the above pictures are of transgendered men.
The City of Chicago Events schedule lists hundreds of parades, festivals, conventions, visual arts shows, concerts, and performances open to the public throughout the year.

Chicago parades include the famous St. Patrick's Day Parade in March, where the Chicago River is tinted green in honor of the Irish. The Polish American Constitution Day Parade, held May 1st, celebrates the first European democratic Constitution established in Poland in 1791. The Columbus Day Parade, held in Autumn, is another ethnic celebration featuring the contributions of Italian Americans. The Von Steuben Day Parade, held in September, is the German American event of the year. Thousands of Chicagoans participate in these parades and support the causes they represent.

However, never within the celebration of these events would you find the flagrant and offensive violations of the Public Morals Laws of conduct as you do in what has become known as the annual Chicago Gay Pride Parade , held this year on Sunday, June 29th, 12:00 p.m.

Chapter 8-8 of the Chicago Public Morals Laws is quite clear in defining "Indecent acts and words" 8-8-070, "Indecent exposure or dress" 8-8-080, "Street solicitation for prostitution" 8-8-060. Year after year these laws are conveniently overlooked by the Chicago Police Department, who are present in great numbers and hired to keep order during the parade.

Take ACTION: Click HERE to ask Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and Cook County State's Attorney Richard Devine to enforce decency laws during Chicago's Gay Pride Parade this Sunday.

Curiously, the parade organizers offer "Tips for Spectators" on their website, but they never offer tips for the participants who, in past years, have publicly exhibited themselves in the nude or semi-nude, performed lewd, simulated sex acts, made obscene gestures, uttered lewd or filthy words, and made street solicitations for prostitution - all violations of the existing "Public Morals" law.

The Grand Marshall of the parade is Eric Alva, openly gay ex-Marine and activist, who is best known for coming out in 2007 and joining Congressman Martin Meehan in introducing the "Military Readiness Enhancement Act," a bill designed to repeal the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Among the featured cars , floats, and walkers this year will be: the Mayor's Advisory Council, Cook County State's Attorney Richard Devine, Obama for America Campaign, Illinois Comptroller Dan Hynes, Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart, Illinois State Senator Sara Feigenholtz, U.S. Congresswoman Jan Shakowsky, Illinois State Representative Julie Hamos, Illinois State Senator John Cullerton, Illinois State Representative John Fritchey, Illinois State Representative Jeff Schoenberg, Lesbian/Gay Police, Lambda Legal, ACLU, Illinois Department of Human Rights, American Veterans, etc. -- all of whom should be acquainted with the Chicago Public Morals law, but who obviously will not move to see that it is strictly enforced for these special citizens.

I believe those in public office, who have sworn to uphold all of the laws of our cities, state, and nation should be held accountable for their dereliction in duty to hold participants in the Chicago Gay Pride Parade to the same standard of public decency as participants in the various other public events in the city of Chicago.

Arlene Sawicki is a long-time pro-life and pro-family advocate, defending and promoting traditional values. She served on the Board of Directors of the Chicago Archdiocesan Council of Catholic Women as Chairperson for Family Concerns, Morality in Media and Legislation.

Check It Out!

2008-06-04T02:51:00.003-04:00

This isn't the most riveting blog, but these deserve some recognition. These things - magazines, new artists, friends, resources - boost my motivation, rejuvenate my inspiration, and remind me what it's like to love being an artist:

Pamela Luedeke Photography - A phenomenal Chicago-based photographer and friend.
Venus Zine - a creativity-induced magazine
Santogold - an up-and-coming artist who's defying genre boundaries in a way that rings true with me.
Bitch Magazine - awesome.period.
Another Girl At Play - Women Entrepreneurs Sharing Stories of How They Made Their Creative Dreams Real

These are just a few of the inspirations and resources that keep me going on a weekly basis, and compel me to stay dedicated to living outside of the box and making use of the new shape I give it each day.

Oh, Art (sigh)

2008-05-20T21:57:00.004-04:00

I am currently reading a book I borrowed from my friend, entitled Art & Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland. The book discusses the fears and rewards surrounding artmaking and, more specifically, those artists who quit and those who keep going. I picked it up from my friend’s bookshelf in the midst of what one may call a dry spell in my artistic life, hoping it would provide reminders, admonishment, motivation, and maybe even inspiration to push through the drought.

This is not a new concept or experience, even to me. It is arguably an essential experience to the artist. I personally believe that natural human life reflects this recurring process of reaching a desert and continuing to find an oasis. My girlfriend recently re-read The Dip by Seth Godin, an author with colossal marketing credentials that writes about this same overall concept of pushing through the “dip” or dry spell of one’s career, life, relationship, etc. Therefore, this circumstance has made and will continue to make friends with all of us who have goals that are currently un-reached.

This circumstance is quite a familiar chum, wanted or not, to my process of making art and music and finding my way in the world. Many factors contribute the reasons why I have found myself struggling to churn out songs or spend hours practicing a particular instrument, and I am thankful that I am aware of what those factors are. While those factors do contribute to valid reasons, however, they do not contribute to my destination from this point forward. They have served their purpose in self-awareness as an artist and individual but need not be pondered anymore.

What concerns me now is the dip, the desert, the drought, the dry spell. A great realization to have reached is that it matters less what other think or have to say about the dry spell or what they would do should they encounter it. What matters is what I will do now. Contemplation, practicing, listening to more music, listening to more types of music, listening to fewer types of music, seeing a live show, picking up a new instrument, learning some new scales, journaling, reading about other artists, going to the museum, getting more sleep, exercising, meditating, painting, conversing with other artist friends: these are all bona fide options for enhancing your journey through the dip. I have discovered that the only necessary option for me, though, is to actually make art. By this I mean that when I get a musical or artistic idea, I should follow it down the road even if I dislike the idea. Production can be key at times, particularly during the drought.

I’ve decided to go on an artmaking spree. What better way to kill time in the desert than to keep at the very thing at which I’ve been thwarted? Who cares if the songs I create are only 90 seconds long or don’t showcase my knowledge of Latin jazz piano or even resemble what I hear in my head? At this point, the songmaking is about persisting, tweaking, exploring, creating, and pushing through the dip. Before I know it, I’ll have new songs on my music MySpace page, new songwriting methods, new encouragement (art encourages art, in my case), and I’ll be standing in the center of the oasis, creating art again.

This may not be the route for every artist, or even every dry spell for any one artist. Indeed, there have been and will be times that stillness is the best remedy. For right now, I have to do what I want to do. The doing-it-well part will follow.

What a Question

2008-04-03T10:14:00.003-04:00

This morning I did a Google Search (or rather a Blackle search; check it out!) for DIY hair care products and happened upon a site called Mookychick. As I was looking through the homemade recipes for shine rinses and hot oil treatments and other natural things, I saw a poll on the left side of the screen. The question was "Feminism is..." Answers included: a. Women being as good as men. b. Women being better than men. c. Women being as bad as men. d. Women being worse than men. e. Something else entirely. If I have time I'm going to tell you what I think on the messageboard (I encourage you to go there and speak up on whatever - they have it all).

Without a doubt and with not a little disgust, I picked choice E without hesitation. What a choice of well, choices. All of the other choices were complete comparisons, which at face value seem fine, and can even be counted as working toward progress. Nonetheless, I couldn't believe that my options to define feminism for myself were all scenarios of comparing women to men, with words like good, bad and worse no less. Therefore, I marched right on over to the messageboard (by marched I mean I clicked with conviction.) And here's what I wrote:

I picked "Something different entirely," because I think feminism is multi-faceted and defined differently by many people. It did not satisfy me to say that feminism was "women being as good as men." The notion of lining up a woman's worth to a man's in the first place is something I believe, as a feminist, needs to be obliterated. I do believe there should be total equality and no more disparity, but I'd rather not settle for the men-come-first plumb line. To me, it would be like saying civil rights is people of color being as good as Whites, as though people of color are equal when we say they are or when someone acknowledges it. Therefore, I think feminism is pushing toward the truth of equality without retreat rather than waiting for everyone to get on board and say it can be true. And there is something to be said about truly respecting the feminine spirit for the power it holds, regardless of a person's gender. For me, feminism is upholding the power of that spirit and separating it from the limiting notions of gender we have that may keep us from truly respecting women and the feminine presence in our world.

There are SO many ways to define feminism, and I don't believe there is anything wrong with that. What I do find disheartening is that feminism still carries this stigma in several ways and in many cases is perceived as a volatile topic, a competitive paradigm and a soapbox on which mouthy girls step. I find myself ramming into these perceptions almost daily - face to face, in the media, at work, with mixed company. As long as people are willing to shrug off a mention or conversation about feminism, people may as well be willing to live in fear.

Sites such as Mookychick provide a place for girls, boys, women, men and people of all genders and identities to come and witness others who lean into the topic of feminism and lean into other topics that may get cast off elsewhere. This is but one of several sites where the stigma is wiped clean, where a person doesn't try to change the subject because a topic is "off the beaten path" or challenging to one's way of thinking or uncomfortable for a bit. While it is a shame that some people and some women have to take refuge in the respect they find in these communities that they cannot find in their everyday lives, there is something to be said for speaking out about one's values, throwing one's voice and desires to the universe (or at least to an online community) and taking the time to hear the voices of others. The more we do it somewhere, the more we'll do it anywhere. I highly encourage engaging in the conversation or at least becoming an active observer. Feminism is...not going away.

Old, New

2008-03-24T23:56:00.001-04:00

I think many of us know this circumstance: a person we know and love, and may even be involved with, somehow seems to still be…captivated by a former lover. It happens frequently, and it is a natural, human experience. We tend bask in our own irony, craving variety and adventure out of the avoidance of boredom yet clinging to unchanging “safe” scenarios and familiar set-ups, fearing the loss of something that feels good, or perhaps even once was good. This is a particularly tempting feeling to surrender to when it concerns relationships. Loss is loss, and when good things come to an end, it is disheartening.

If we have thrown ourselves into the deep end for or with another person for a section of time in our lives, having held nothing back in the way of emotional connection, this kind of conclusion or loss, if it is that, can be so grating that we do not even lean into the weight of it. We keep an arm’s length away from all the pain and cold, hard truth it carries, instead dancing closely with the memories, good or bad, with which we have grown accustomed. In this manner we stay attached, and when it is convenient, we recognize that attachment deliberately. When it is inconvenient, we sometimes find ourselves involuntarily attached.

I’m not so dense or jaded to believe that we all can or even should choose to emotionally forget an ex. People are wonderful, significant others even more so to the individual, and they should not be forgotten or cast aside like some empty bottle of water in a landfill. No matter who you love or lust thereafter, the object of a previous affection deserves credit. Furthermore, to me, it seems unnatural to become nonchalant about someone you have once loved so long and so hard, someone who has given you pleasure and for whom you spent much time showing special affection and receiving such affection simultaneously. It seems that even long after that time your life, its effect will linger in your soul.

I say that this seems unnatural to me, this forgetting nonchalance. What I mean is that to my mind, it seems unnatural. To my heart, is seems, well, sometimes it seems right and preferable. A person gets involved with another person, becomes uninvolved, moves on…makes an effort to emotionally move on. This person becomes involved with another new person, still remembers the former one but is no longer attached. There seems to be nothing wrong with that series of events to me. This seems ideal, especially to the new person, right? It is he or she that longs to avoid standing in the wake of an old flame, expecting to feel warmth but meeting cold. He or she is the one that most wants to move forward without walking back to pick up the other person’s luggage from a previous visit. “After all, there are new trips to take and new sights to see and new souvenirs to collect. Carry on your essentials and grab what you must, but don’t dawdle at the baggage claim; you’ll miss the flight.” This is not how we operate it seems, though.

Yep, even the girl.

2008-01-26T19:50:00.000-05:00

“Take a dump, take a big huge dump,” “She’s hot…oh, but she’s got childbearing hips,” “I’d do her in the butt.” Yes, these are the lovely sounds of another trip with the boys, the boys in the band. No surprises here, right? Now, I’m not stereotyping. No no, stereotyping would be if I came to conclusions about the conversations and behavior of all boys/men without firsthand experience. So when I say that these incredibly talented, cute, awesome guys in the band with me can be so stupid and unconsciously sexist and derogatory, I say this because I was there.

I know; being the one female in a band or music ensemble is definitely not new. This has been the fate of many a girl, and I am merely one more. Nonetheless, it by no means downplays the challenge of such a situation. I’ve never been a fan of battles of the sexes or anything that unnecessarily emphasizes the polarization of men/women or male/female, for reasons simple and complex. That being said, boys are…a piece of work.

I say this with lots of love. I love guys, love ‘em, love being in a band full of guys, the works. I’m not going to lie, though. Being the only girl in the band can be a real drag. The amount absurdity in the atmosphere can be suffocating, and the continual homage to all things crass is something I could occasionally do without, no questions asked. There’s a fine line between being a token bitch and refusing to let ignorantly sexist/anti-feminist remarks go unchecked.

Yeah, I know – sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll, baby! I get it, I really do. And I get it. Yes, life is beautiful, women are hot, body humor is hilarious, yada yada yada. Agreed. But if these boys think I just sit back and say “Oh well, boys will be boys,” they have the wrong girl. I have a low tolerance for cultural ignorance, sexism or racism for the sake of a laugh, and an exploitative comment for the sake of pleasure. There is a serious battle being fought in this society for gender and cultural equality, and I enlisted long ago. It’s not a fight against boys or fun or love or peace or rock ‘n’ roll. It’s a fight against ignorance, hatred and exploitation, and I will not be sympathetic toward the statements made, not even from the mouths of my wonderful boys.

It’s the trips we take that really makes these differences salient. Isn’t that just the way with trips? Long rides, 14 plus hours together, all that jazz? I love and hate band trips because they’re exciting and fun, but there’s also no escape. It’s just the boys and I. Wow. Suddenly, I’m not sure how much is too much. I’m not sure if one more comment will put me over the edge of the line to the nagging girl of the group. I’m not sure if I can take one more waft of a fart. Suddenly, as all eyes turn toward the pretty girls in a new city, I start to feel not so beautiful. I begin to feel extremely feminine and androgynous on these trips, being juggled between being the sole representation of a woman and more like one of the guys as just another member of the band. If I’m not careful, hanging in that balance will stop being critical and start being harmful. It’s simple, as long as I hang in there, literally.

Some common misconceptions I’ve encountered as a female, African-American, bisexual vocalist in a band that may need clarification:

- Not all girls join a band to look pretty and play dress up.
- Just because there’s only one girl in the band doesn’t mean she can’t play an instrument.
- Not every Black girl sings like Aretha Franklin or Lauryn Hill. In fact, no one sounds like these women. They’re priceless, so sorry to disappoint you.
- Just because I have a girlfriend does not mean I am instantly “one of the guys,” at the beck and call of vulgar talk and perverse conversations about other girls. Get a grip. A queer girl does not one of the guys make.

This whole thing may seem like a petty soapbox, a non-issue, but it’s not. If I want equality, I can’t be silent about the small things if they really bother me. Then I’ll be silent about the larger things. Last I checked, those in the margins have a hard enough time screaming for change let alone being silent. The boys in the band are some of the best, most extraordinary men I will ever have the privilege of knowing, but even the people with the best intentions still have to fight the fight, gender equality in society, in bands, in the music industry, on a road trip, everything. It’s about balance and knowledge, that’s all. Peace, love and rock ‘n’ roll. Yep, even the girl.

Against Such Things

2007-12-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

I remember when I was in high school, even through a little bit of college, I used to pray to God that I would walk in the fruits of the spirit throughout my day. It was a good prayer. When I prayed it, I pictured the list of the fruits, as listed in Galatians 5:22,23 in the Bible. There wasn’t a single type of circumstance or struggle through which this prayer or meditation had not gotten me. “But the fruits of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

Against such things there is no law; that comforted me. Even as I came to college and the grip of fundamentalist Christian upbringing finally began to loosen its hold, there were numerous mornings when I would be in my bedroom praying this to myself in sincerity. I had a special commitment to this way of living, living by the fruits of the spirit. It wasn’t forced upon me; I was never told that this verse made a good prayer or devotion. No one accused of doing wrong by not walking in these ways. In other words, this was not a priority I learned. I gained insight on my own through searching and reading. Nonetheless, this great verse was still a part of the Bible, which I associated with my entire past up to that point, which was beginning to retreat as I moved forward in my life, consciously and unconsciously broadening my experiences.

Around the time my parents endorsed their fears, anger, homophobia and intolerance of my lifestyle and associations, with the Bible and their “faith” in God, I had already stepped away from frequent readings of the Scripture, although I still conversed with Spirit regularly. You see, the fundamentalist place from which I had come no longer cultivated my spirituality, but my past experiences were a part of me. Although I had known the difference between spirituality and religion for quite some time, many of my personal experiences of growth, revelation and insight were intertwined with that deeply rooted past of mine.

This is when it became very difficult to resist throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Not only did I associate these otherwise very inspiring words with religious literalism; I also associated the Bible from which these words came with fundamentalism, violence, force, intolerance and hypocrisy. These associations influentially outweighed my experiences of inspiration, growth and gratitude. Approaching these inspiring readings became a barrage of violent images, infuriating arguments and lectures of condemnation nearly each time I thought of reading the Bible. My parents were associated with my literalistic upbringing; thus it left an even more bitter taste in my mouth.

I felt so fortunate that I could even still feel the breath of the Universe’s Spirit, of God. I was grateful that I could even recognize beauty and know spirituality. I was also relieved, in a perfectly uncomfortable way, to know that I could identify my own pain and associations, some unreasonable, others justified. I knew that this was not the end. I didn’t hate life; I loved it. I loved myself, I didn’t hate God or spirituality, even if it was used as a weapon of hatred and fear. That kind of injustice has been battled since the beginning of time. My situation, however new to me, was not new to the world and was only the beginning of a great process.

I wanted to, now more than ever, cherish and embrace the fruits of the spirit, for they were my foundation, challenge and inspiration. I felt almost ashamed that I had discovered that verse in the Bible, in my past, in my upbringing. I didn’t, I couldn’t give it much thought without wrestling with what my family had so adamantly done in the name of my God, with which I so adamantly disagreed. I cannot change the place from where I came, and do not wish to do so. I can move forward from places left behind and carry the treasures with me into my brighter future, with my more cultivated self.

I knew a day would come when I could be a fully integrated person, able to separate the rocks from the gems in my past and present life, spiritual and non-spiritual…able to move through my personal beliefs and concerns and inspiration that I had myself arranged, like available chords for a composition. I would not feel ashamed for creating a fusion and would not have thrown the baby out with the water. I would be grateful to all sources of contribution toward my growth, moving through in gratitude rather than resentment or ignorance. I would be embracing the fruits of the spirit for what they were, not as a wise Scripture in the Bible but as a way to live with integrity and respect for the world around me.

I can reflect on that passage now and embrace it without overpowering conflict, knowing it compels me to be a better person, keeps me grounded and helps me prevail over literalism and bias. Walking in the “fruits of the spirit” allows me to take action, to stand up against violence, ignorance and injustice. Taking these virtues into account does not make a person a fundamentalist, a Christian, a Bible thumper, a literalist or ignorant. Nor does it make a person spiritual, religious (they’re different) or all right with everything. I am inclined to believe, though, that aspiring to live a life of true love, real joy, inner peace, seasoned patience, deliberate kindness, essential goodness, faithfulness to oneself, gentleness with one’s faults and self-control in this complex world, is right for me. It takes shape as I continue to take shape within my own life, always remaining a constant inspiration to live freely with integrity, no matter where I came from or where I am going. Those “fruits” or attributes embody My Spirit. Against that there is no law.